Thursday, May 5, 2016

What the hell did I just see?

I had my second baby last May. That Wednesday I laid eyes on my beautiful 9lbs 13oz precious son. His cheeks were so chubby and rosy red. I had trouble putting him down and now that he is nearly a year old, I still love him cuddling in my arms. Having a child is a blessing and I am so amazed that I have given birth to two beautiful little boys. I know that my body is a temple and it has held, grown and nurtured these two human beings. But when I put on my clothes and see myself in the mirror, it's not the precious memories of pregnancy that I think of. I know that most moms struggle with their bodies after baby, but they soon bounce back into a routine of eating right and exercising while someone watches their babies. I am a single mother. It is so much better off that way, and I wouldn't change that. I'm not opposed to finding a partner in the future, but never will it be the father(s) of my children. I am perfectly fine with having my hands full with two boys instead of pawning them off on someone. But a part of me wishes I had time to work on myself and to work on my weight. I know losing the excess weight will be a healthier choice. And the healthier I am, the longer I will be around for my boys. Not only will I feel better but I can imagine my sugars will be under better control as well. That is where the conflict arises. My sugar. Or a better term, blood glucose levels. It's an endless cycle. I eat to maintain steady sugar, and I eat to make sure I don't die. But then I get high, which requires insulin which then requires more insulin being stored in fat cells which means..... ya get where I'm going with this? So it's going to be a work in progress for quite some time. But I know I can do it. So far I've cut out snacks, such as the little Debbie ones. I've lost 5lbs, not much but I'm not exercising. And my a1c also came down. From 9% to 8.4%. Again, not much but it's a start. All because snacks that were keeping me stable through the night. So join me on this roller coaster ride of weight loss because it's going to be a whirlwind.

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