Sunday, January 5, 2014

B L O O D

I hate you for the sacrifices you made for me
I hate you for every time you ever bled for me
I hate you for the way you smile when you look at me
I hate you for never taking control of me

I hate you for always saving me from myself
I hate you for always choosing me and not someone else
I hate you for always pulling me back from the edge
I hate you for every kind word you ever said
I'll bleed you dry now

Blood, blood, blood
Pump more through my veins
Shut your dirty, dirty mouth
I'm not that easy

Blood, blood, blood
Pump more through my veins
I'm a dirty, dirty girl
I want it filthy

Blood, blood, blood
Pump more through my veins
Shut your dirty, dirty mouth
I'm not that easy

Blood, blood, blood
Pump more through my veins
I'm a dirty, dirty girl
I want it filthy

I love you for everything you ever took from me
I love the way you dominate and you violate me
I love you for every time you gave up on me
I love you for the way you look when you lie to me
I love you for never believing in what I say
I love you for never once giving me my way
I love you for never delivering me from pain
I love you for always driving me insane
I'll bleed you dry now

Blood, blood, blood
Pump more through my veins
Shut your dirty, dirty mouth
I'm not that easy

Blood, blood, blood
Pump more through my veins
I'm a dirty, dirty girl
I want it filthy

Blood, blood, blood
Pump more through my veins
Shut your dirty, dirty mouth
I'm not that easy

Blood, blood, blood
Pump more through my veins
I'm a dirty, dirty girl
I want it filthy

(I hate you, I hate you, I love...)

Blood, blood, blood
Pump more through my veins
Shut your dirty, dirty mouth
I'm not that easy

Blood, blood, blood
Pump more through my veins
I'm a dirty, dirty girl
I want it filthy

Blood, blood, blood
Pump more through my veins
Shut your dirty, dirty mouth
I'm not that easy

Blood, blood, blood
Pump mud through my veins
I'm a dirty, dirty girl
I want it filthy

I hate you for every time you ever bled for me

Sunday, August 25, 2013

NEED a photographer?






That's right. I finally grasped the nerve to become an amateur photographer. It was crazy photographing a wedding, because I am used to little ones.. But I did it, and I felt amazing about the photos. You can check them out over at my website, as well as a ton of other photos.. I haven't posted a newer photo of myself in a while either, but that is because I am always behind the lens.


It's Been A WHILE!

It has been a while since I posted anything.. That however can be blamed by a number of different things that have happened. Even though its only August, Fall is quickly approaching! I will post a quick list of updates and things that have been happening.. And try to post more often..

1. NO PUMP = NO FUN. I am no longer 'pumping'.. There has been some confusion about prescription mix ups between the Joslin Diabetes Center and the Christ Hospital of Cinci.. They are working on sorting it out, and then a new shipment of supplies should be coming my way. Its been a month, and lemme tell you how much I despise injections.. I am on a big whopping 35 units of Lantus at night. Whatever, its helping.. However my legs are bruised and don't look that great..

2. February I had an umbilical hernia repair, for the second time. That sucked because my insides felt like jello. But hopefully the mesh implant device they put in there will work this time. She said it can come back, but so far so good. In June I also had knee surgery FOR the second time. Not only that, but the operating room managed to lose power, and as I was waking up they informed me they were on back up generators. Awesome. Not. The leg keeps surprising me. One day swollen and hurting, the next day it is fine. I had a cortisone shot so maybe that will help. 

3. College is BUSY hard work. UGH! I complain a lot but seriously, school has kept me on my toes! I was able to get my GPA by quite a bit, so the summer classes obviously helped. Plus, any mother knows how busy a three year old can keep ya! He has been learning and growing so much! He starts a program called Learning Circle, come September. He is also now FULLY potty trained.. Thank goodness!

4. THYROID THYROID THYROID! It keeps me feeling like a zombie 95% of the time. I hate feeling sluggish and slow but that's my thyroid for ya! I had recent lab work done and an ultrasound to check on the growth of the many nodules.. Haven't heard back from the doc yet, but keeping fingers crossed.. 

Going to again, leave with some song lyrics. And some other basic updates.. Enjoy and please buy Luke Bryan's new cd. His vocals are amazing, the songs are great, and its a good listen. I love it! :)


Favorite Song Currently: 'Goodbye Girl' by Luke Bryan
Weather: Hot. High is 89 and the low is 67. 
Sugars: Been up to 230 today, no low yet. 
Latest A1C: 8.6% (I know)
Other news: Seeing a new endocrinologist at the Christ Hospital of Cincinnati.

"Goodbye Girl"
Yeah, I know that color on your lips too well.
I saw you blowing kisses down the wishing well again.
When I say I love you, just just say "I know."
You put your arms around me, but it's all for show.
And then, there you go wrecking my whole world.
All fixed up, my goodbye girl.

You scatter in the wind just like a dandelion.
Reminding me again that you ain't ever mine for long.
But I know it's gonna happen when the moon is right,
you'll show up at my door and pull me in just like a song.
There you go, wrecking my whole world.
One more hello, one more goodbye, girl.

It might seem crazy to keep loving you this way,
but I'll never bring myself to say goodbye, girl.

The sun is gonna make it's way around again,
but the rain is always waiting just around the bend.
And there you go, wrecking my whole world.
One more hello, one more goodbye, girl.
All fixed up, my goodbye girl.
Goodbye girl.
Goodbye girl.
 
 

Said Goodbye, Turned Around & You Were Gone, Long Gone..

I am still a little shocked over this. My mind has not comprehended the fact that this really happened and I am going to have to LIVE with it. My best friend, my baby brother, my buddy, my son's uncle 'TyTy' is finally at Navy Boot Camp. It was so shocking because his ship out date was set for July 11th, and they called him offering him a job as a Hospital Corpsman and said his ship out date would be May 30th. We found this out on May 28th. UGH! Talk about nerve wrecking and frustrating. How do you say goodbye to someone you were prepared to spend another month and a half with? I was looking forward to those last memories, those last moments and silly photos we would take. I guess I am mad at myself because I engraved it into my head that he would be here until July, but I knew deep down his ship out date could change anytime. And it did. And I still have trouble grasping the reality that he is on his own now.

This may come off as a 'debby-downer' post but I don't care because holding all the emotions and feelings in only leads me to be angry and I realized here lately I have anger issues. I just want to yell at God and ask him why he did this so soon and why couldn't we have more time together? But then again, God has given me multiple signs that Tyler is fine.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Diet Soda = Damaged Liver?

Since my recent visit to the hospital, I have had an updated cat-scan of my abdomen. (That is why I was there). Not only did the hospital discover lesions on my liver, but they failed to inform me. I had to hear it from my primary doctor the following Monday. It was a little nerve wrecking, but I am glad I know now so that I can get it evaluated. My doctor ordered an ultrasound to get a closer look, but told me an MRI or further testing may be done.. so the researcher in me had to find out if drinking diet soda had anything to do with it.. I drink a lot of diet soda. More than I should, more than anyone should. I also avoid water. This is harmful to my body, and it needs to stop. Here's why..

  • There is some evidence that links diet soda consumption with liver problems.
  • Aspartame is a potent neurotoxin, which increases the burden on the liver. 
  • Caffeine can over-stimulate the adrenal gland, leading to adrenal exhaustion, blood pressure elevation, headaches and kidney problems. 

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Little Update!

 A picture a day? I thought about doing the picture a day thing for my blog, but cannot take enough photos to keep up with the time. It's almost February already and I only have three random photos that I considered. I guess I will attach them anyways. Maybe I could do a photo a month? Ha! Time flies and it aint slowing down.. ;)

Favorite song currently: 'Cough Syrup' by Young the Giant (lyrics below)
How's the Weather: Currently 12 degrees, high of 20, low of 8! 
What about your health: Blood sugar is 171, aaannnd I have seen better days.
Any other interesting news: Testing at the hospital tmrw am! Wish me luck! 
 
My car smell good thing :)

 That would be me.

Taking a little insulin.


Life's too short to even care at all oh
I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control
These fishes in the sea they're staring at me oh oh
Oh oh oh oh
A wet world aches for a beat of a drum
Oh

If I could find a way to see this straight
I'd run away
To some fortune that I should have found by now
I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down, come down

Uhh ch ch ch ch

Life's too short to even care at all oh
I'm coming up now coming up now out of the blue
These zombies in the park they're looking for my heart
Oh oh oh oh
A dark world aches for a splash of the sun oh oh

If I could find a way to see this straight
I'd run away
To some fortune that I should have found by now

And so I run now to the things they said could restore me
Restore life the way it should be
I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down

Life's too short to even care at all oh
I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control

If I could find a way to see this straight
I'd run away
To some fortune that I should have found by now

So I run now to the things they said could restore me
Restore life the way it should be
I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down

One more spoon of cough syrup now

Sunday, January 6, 2013

To tat, or not to tat..

I have been contemplating getting a 'diabetic' tattoo for a while now. While the inside of the wrist would make sense, because that is where my medical alert bracelet goes, I am not sure. I am not worried about the pain, I already have two, one on my back & shoulder/arm.. I got those two back to back, well one week after another.. I really want a diabetes tattoo but not sure what to get. Here are some of my favorites so far..